Surviving the first month: the practical guide
The first month is the most fragile period of the au pair year: everything is new, everyone is watching everyone, and small unspoken frustrations quickly become big tensions. The good news: a few simple rituals are enough to turn this adjustment period into a solid foundation.
The first week: observe, don't perform
Family: don't assume anything is obvious. Show the neighbourhood, introduce the au pair at school and to the neighbours, explain how the house works twice rather than once.
Au pair: your only mission this week is to learn the names, the habits and the unwritten rules of the house. Ask questions, write everything down, and don't judge yourself for being exhausted by 9pm — that's normal.
- Day 1–2: tour, keys, emergency numbers, wifi
- Day 3–4: a typical day shadowing one of the parents
- Day 5–7: first short solo childcare sessions
The ritual that changes everything: the weekly check-in
Fifteen minutes, every Sunday evening, over a cup of tea: what went well this week? What was hard? What do we adjust?
This fixed meeting defuses 90% of conflicts before they exist: nobody has to "dare" to raise a problem, because the moment for it is already scheduled. The shared MyAuPair planner is your support: actual hours, the week ahead, points to discuss.
Homesickness: predictable and temporary
It almost always comes, usually between the second and fourth week, when the initial excitement fades. It's neither a whim nor a sign of failure — it's a documented stage of any time abroad.
Family: a simple "and how are you doing?" at dinner works wonders. Help your au pair build a life outside the house: language classes, sport, other au pairs nearby.
Au pair: keep in touch with home, but not constantly — an hour-long video call on Sunday nourishes; six hours a day prevents you from truly arriving. And talk about it: to the AI coach, to your host family, to other au pairs in the community.
Boundaries: set them now, not in March
Anything tolerated "just this once" in the first month becomes the norm for the rest of the year. Hours, babysitting evenings, car use, visitors: clarify it in writing within the first weeks.
A disagreement raised calmly at the weekly check-in beats three months of silent resentment. That's also what hour tracking is for: shared facts instead of diverging impressions.
At the end of month one: the first review
Take an hour, not fifteen minutes, and ask the real questions: does the rhythm work for both sides? Do the pocket money and hours match what was agreed? What do we change for month two?
If the review is positive, say it explicitly — mutual recognition is the best fuel for the next eleven months. If something is off, this is the perfect moment to adjust: everything is still malleable.